May 16, 2003 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 11

eveningsout

In cubicles, where does friendly end and nosy begin?

by M.T. 'the Big Tipper' Martone

Dear Big Tipper,

I have an office question. I work in a medium-sized professional office, and we're all in cubicles. It's pretty quiet, and people are careful not to make a lot of distracting noise, or broadcast personal information, because it's not very private.

My question is, when is it appropriate to interact with someone about what is happening in their cubicle? If someone sneezes, I usually say "Bless you," because it just seems polite and friendly. But I don't respond to anything they may be saying on a phone conversation, because that's obviously private.

Is a "Bless you" too disruptive? I don't notice other people doing it. But sometimes I hear people laughing at a joke that they hear from another cubicle.

I've never worked in this kind of place before, and I don't want to be inappropriate, but I don't want people to think I'm cold or socially awkward either.

Bless Your Heart,

Gezundheit?

Ultimately, it depends on your office's particular culture. The safest thing to do is listen to what other people do. I also think that the "Nine Square Cubicle Rule" should be observed, in which you do not bless anyone who is not in a cubicle immediately adjacent to yours.

Cubicles require us to use our imagination. If you don't have eye contact with someone, imagine that you can't hear them, either. Psychic privacy may be the only kind you get there, so protect it.

Dear Big Tipper:

A person recently wrote to you about finding out that her girlfriend got pregnant "the old fashioned way." Your comments were right on the mark.

The bottom line is, the girlfriend did something, but why blame the baby? Don't make a child grow up in a house full of tension due to something he or she had no control over. Let them devote their time to raising a happy, well-adjusted child who is loved by both of them.

Perhaps they should ask themselves how they (or their friends) felt when they told their parents they were gay. If they were abandoned, shunned or cast out by their families, then they have a wonderful opportunity to lavish all the love they have on that baby. As the old saying goes, "Don't throw out the baby with the dirty bath water.

In another letter, the boyfriend complained about his partner's cooking skills (or lack of them). Of course the writer admitted that he was no Julia Child in the kitchen either. Your suggestions were great, but you might have suggested that they both go to evening classes and learn cooking. Think of the fun they could have learning something new together. Nothing promotes love more than doing things together, and let's face it, without food there would be no love.

Just as a side note, wouldn't it be nice if some of our gay chefs in this community could put together a cooking class? And for that matter, how about a gay-instructed dance class. I'm not talking about all the new dances being done now, but rather the fox trot, waltz, samba, cha cha, tango, etc. Nothing is more romantic than holding

someone in your arms and dancing with him or her. Just a thought or two. Thanks for the chance to share them with you.

Dear Chef Brockett,

Get Cookin'

Great idea! You heard him, chefs. Step up to the plate.

Dear Big Tipper,

I am new to gay life, so I'm not sure if some of the things I like in bed are normal. For example, I really get aroused by cum. I like guys to cum in my mouth, on my face, etc. I know this isn't safe, necessarily, but I can't usually get off without it. Also, what is cum supposed to taste like, anyway?

[Tipper's aside: I'll spare you all the repetitions of the word "cum" in this letter and just give you a few choice phrases from the midsection: "with some guys it's like sour milk, "bitter juice, chowder

"milky clam

You can't get HIV from cum, right? I always wash my mouth out with Listerine afterward anyway to be on the safe side.

Some guys I've met think my interest in cum is gross. Obviously I don't. Who's right, them or me? Thanks a bunch! I'll look forward to your answer!

Jiz Messing With You,

Cum on

Över

Well, the person who transcribed your letter for me was grossed out, and I believe

him to be a bona fide guy and a homo.

I'm assuming that your primary motivation in writing this letter was to see the word "cum" as many times as possible in print. Here you go! Cool, huh? And of course, to get fact-packed answers to questions like, "you can't get HIV from cum, right?”

There's nothing inherently gross about semen. There's also a fine and hot tradition of good-time dirty talkin' and I'm heartily in favor of it. It's just so darned dumb to talk dirty to people who just end up thinking you're a goofball with a limited capacity for expressing himself. It's like drawing dirty pictures on bathroom walls for the naughty thrill of it.

The time it took you to write this letter could have been nicely spent surfing for porn online (at home, not work), talking dirty to a personal friend, lavishing attention on your own personal man fountain or perusing a thesaurus for some other words for, let's see, "spooj.”

On the 1⁄2 percent chance you were in any way genuine, it's no real shocker that a gay guy likes cum in all sorts of nooks and crannies. Yes, you can get HIV from the semen of someone infected with HIV. And bodily fluids are influenced by all sorts of factors that give them widely variant tastes and smells.

But you already knew that, right?

Send questions to the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, online at www.bigtipsonline.com, e-mail to question@bigtipsonline.com or fax to 216-

631-1052.

forward...

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